Why do we fear change?

        Hi there! I hope everyone’s holidays were great and that you all got some great presents, ate good food, and enjoyed spending time with your families. 

         I have really enjoyed my winter break so far but I’ve been a lot busier than I anticipated! I haven’t had any free time to write or do anything on my looooong to-do list. 

         As we head into a new year, I decided to make today’s blog post about change. I personally hate New Year's and I think it’s totally overhyped. 

         I’ve never had an official “New Year’s Resolution” because again I think the whole concept is overrated. Although, last year I made a “goal” to walk 10,000 steps everyday and I actually stuck to it! So I decided to continue that and just incorporate it into my daily life. 

         I’ve always considered change the scariest thing in the world. I’m a very complacent person who lives within my comfort zone and I seldom step outside of it so for me facing a change head on creates a lot of anxiety. I usually avoid making big changes in my life because I think they will only make me regretful and scared. 

         However, recently I was thinking about this concept and I decided to flip my mindset about it and think about all of the good things that change has brought into my life. 

         This year has been full of changes for me and they happened so quickly and were so drastic that I don’t think I noticed they were happening at the time.

         The first half of 2018 was really rough. I hit what I think is one of the lowest points of my life. I went into it feeling, for the lack of a better word, depressed. I had graduated university in June 2017 but could not find full time work in my field. Everyday I woke up and either went to work and felt like a hopeless robot or woke up past noon and lay in bed until my hunger pushed me to get up. I spent hours, job searching online and it was the most disappointing, confidence destroying, and exhausting process.

         Halfway through the year I turned my life and my year around for the better. One night (at 2 a.m.), I sat in bed squealing with excitement because I found the perfect program that my heart has been passionate about since high school. At the time it didn’t feel like I was going through a life change because it felt so right and my heart was exploding with joy and anticipation. But soon after my excitement died down, I started feeling my usual anxiety and I just had to push through, ignore the intrusive thoughts and just listen to my gut telling me it was going to be amazing.

         So the biggest change that I went through this year was deciding to start post grad school for journalism and follow through on my passion for writing since elementary school! 

         Another huge change I made this year is what you’re doing right now. My blog!! I never in a million, billion, trillion years thought I would ever have the confidence to express myself so freely on the internet. (I mean, I used to vent on my Tumblr but no one ever read my posts so it was mostly me talking to myself in a public arena). 

         The reason you are reading my blog today is because I spent about five months contemplating everyday whether I should just do it. I daydreamed about all of the things I would write and how many people would benefit from hearing someone else talk about their anxieties, fears, and weaknesses and help others feel less alone. But again, my fear of making a change in my life held me back until one night I held my breath and just did it. I will never regret doing this and this has been such an amazing journey. 

         Everyday I’m more surprised by how many compliments I get on my blog and it makes me feel so happy to hear that my own friends and family are supporting my work! I’m so used to hiding in the corner and I hate being in the spotlight but I think this is such an intimate way of sharing my thoughts with anyone who’s willing to listen. It makes me feel so honoured that there are dozens of people who sit down each week to read my writing. 

         I've also gone through a huge change with my body. In high school I decided I was tired of being overweight and I wanted to change it. So far, I’ve lost about 55 pounds which is like….a lot. The past year has been so full of ups and downs that my weight has stayed about the same. It has been demotivating but at the same time I also have to appreciate that I made such a big change to my body and I’m already at a very healthy weight (but could stand to lose a few more). That “change” that I made years ago basically just turned into my new life. Lucky for this transformation because if I didn’t, y’all would be rolling me out of all you can eat buffets. 

     Other cool things I changed this year:

·     My hair (I’m obsessed, it cost an arm and a leg and it was the best change.) (Also... the phrase “if you can’t change your life, change your hair” holds strong regardless of what you’re going through)

·     My eating habits (I got into drinking over three liters of water a day and I feel great…I wish my skin got the memo but I will be patient)

·     My writing (I started off one class with my prof ripping apart my assignments and ended the semester with all A’s and constant compliments on my work and improvements)

·     My mindset!!! Like I said, I spent half this year thinking life was meaningless and I was a failure and it took months of effort to remind myself to turn my “failures” into lessons 

        I know that for some people it is extremely hard to face the fact that your current situation is leading you nowhere and is only making you more frustrated and unhappy everyday. You probably see it and feel it, but why aren’t you doing anything to change it? 

         If there is something you can actively do or change to make yourself happier, then why not do it? When you’re already feeling down, only good things can come from making a positive change. I’ve learned to just cross my fingers, do that thing that scares me and hope that it works out. If it fails, I’ll deal with it when it comes. As someone who has failed and wasted a year of her life, I can assure you that as long as you’ll still have a roof over your head and good people around you, making a change or taking a big risk will be worth it if it can make your life better. And if you’re anxious like me and always prepare for the worst, just remember that I did not prepare myself for the worst at all. I still failed and then recovered and I came out of it with a smile on my face and a good story.          

         I don’t want to be that sappy white girl that says “make 2019 your year of change!” but …I’m kind of saying that. I personally know a lot of people that are kind of stagnant in their lives right now. They’re low-key miserable and their jobs are leading nowhere, but I can only see this from an outsider’s perspective (and also because they vent to me about it on an almost daily basis). It’s hard for me to sit here and say “you need to make a change this year” but if you fall into the category of unhappy people, I really do urge you to consider what changes you can make to better yourself and your happiness. I know it’s terrifying at first but it is so rewarding to be at a point where you know you are in the process of change and you can feel the happiness and excitement radiating out of your pores. 

         So, I think you should just go for it. You have my complete support and if you fail, I will be your hype girl to help you get back on the horse and try again. Really though, as long as you’re not gambling your life’s saving at the casino, you have nothing to lose and a lot to gain.

         Anyways, thank you for reading! Enjoy your New Year's celebrations (bleh) and think about making that change. I’d love to know if anyone is planning to do something big in the next year because I love to hear inspiring stories from other hopefuls like me!!