Why do we fear change?

        Hi there! I hope everyone’s holidays were great and that you all got some great presents, ate good food, and enjoyed spending time with your families. 

         I have really enjoyed my winter break so far but I’ve been a lot busier than I anticipated! I haven’t had any free time to write or do anything on my looooong to-do list. 

         As we head into a new year, I decided to make today’s blog post about change. I personally hate New Year's and I think it’s totally overhyped. 

         I’ve never had an official “New Year’s Resolution” because again I think the whole concept is overrated. Although, last year I made a “goal” to walk 10,000 steps everyday and I actually stuck to it! So I decided to continue that and just incorporate it into my daily life. 

         I’ve always considered change the scariest thing in the world. I’m a very complacent person who lives within my comfort zone and I seldom step outside of it so for me facing a change head on creates a lot of anxiety. I usually avoid making big changes in my life because I think they will only make me regretful and scared. 

         However, recently I was thinking about this concept and I decided to flip my mindset about it and think about all of the good things that change has brought into my life. 

         This year has been full of changes for me and they happened so quickly and were so drastic that I don’t think I noticed they were happening at the time.

         The first half of 2018 was really rough. I hit what I think is one of the lowest points of my life. I went into it feeling, for the lack of a better word, depressed. I had graduated university in June 2017 but could not find full time work in my field. Everyday I woke up and either went to work and felt like a hopeless robot or woke up past noon and lay in bed until my hunger pushed me to get up. I spent hours, job searching online and it was the most disappointing, confidence destroying, and exhausting process.

         Halfway through the year I turned my life and my year around for the better. One night (at 2 a.m.), I sat in bed squealing with excitement because I found the perfect program that my heart has been passionate about since high school. At the time it didn’t feel like I was going through a life change because it felt so right and my heart was exploding with joy and anticipation. But soon after my excitement died down, I started feeling my usual anxiety and I just had to push through, ignore the intrusive thoughts and just listen to my gut telling me it was going to be amazing.

         So the biggest change that I went through this year was deciding to start post grad school for journalism and follow through on my passion for writing since elementary school! 

         Another huge change I made this year is what you’re doing right now. My blog!! I never in a million, billion, trillion years thought I would ever have the confidence to express myself so freely on the internet. (I mean, I used to vent on my Tumblr but no one ever read my posts so it was mostly me talking to myself in a public arena). 

         The reason you are reading my blog today is because I spent about five months contemplating everyday whether I should just do it. I daydreamed about all of the things I would write and how many people would benefit from hearing someone else talk about their anxieties, fears, and weaknesses and help others feel less alone. But again, my fear of making a change in my life held me back until one night I held my breath and just did it. I will never regret doing this and this has been such an amazing journey. 

         Everyday I’m more surprised by how many compliments I get on my blog and it makes me feel so happy to hear that my own friends and family are supporting my work! I’m so used to hiding in the corner and I hate being in the spotlight but I think this is such an intimate way of sharing my thoughts with anyone who’s willing to listen. It makes me feel so honoured that there are dozens of people who sit down each week to read my writing. 

         I've also gone through a huge change with my body. In high school I decided I was tired of being overweight and I wanted to change it. So far, I’ve lost about 55 pounds which is like….a lot. The past year has been so full of ups and downs that my weight has stayed about the same. It has been demotivating but at the same time I also have to appreciate that I made such a big change to my body and I’m already at a very healthy weight (but could stand to lose a few more). That “change” that I made years ago basically just turned into my new life. Lucky for this transformation because if I didn’t, y’all would be rolling me out of all you can eat buffets. 

     Other cool things I changed this year:

·     My hair (I’m obsessed, it cost an arm and a leg and it was the best change.) (Also... the phrase “if you can’t change your life, change your hair” holds strong regardless of what you’re going through)

·     My eating habits (I got into drinking over three liters of water a day and I feel great…I wish my skin got the memo but I will be patient)

·     My writing (I started off one class with my prof ripping apart my assignments and ended the semester with all A’s and constant compliments on my work and improvements)

·     My mindset!!! Like I said, I spent half this year thinking life was meaningless and I was a failure and it took months of effort to remind myself to turn my “failures” into lessons 

        I know that for some people it is extremely hard to face the fact that your current situation is leading you nowhere and is only making you more frustrated and unhappy everyday. You probably see it and feel it, but why aren’t you doing anything to change it? 

         If there is something you can actively do or change to make yourself happier, then why not do it? When you’re already feeling down, only good things can come from making a positive change. I’ve learned to just cross my fingers, do that thing that scares me and hope that it works out. If it fails, I’ll deal with it when it comes. As someone who has failed and wasted a year of her life, I can assure you that as long as you’ll still have a roof over your head and good people around you, making a change or taking a big risk will be worth it if it can make your life better. And if you’re anxious like me and always prepare for the worst, just remember that I did not prepare myself for the worst at all. I still failed and then recovered and I came out of it with a smile on my face and a good story.          

         I don’t want to be that sappy white girl that says “make 2019 your year of change!” but …I’m kind of saying that. I personally know a lot of people that are kind of stagnant in their lives right now. They’re low-key miserable and their jobs are leading nowhere, but I can only see this from an outsider’s perspective (and also because they vent to me about it on an almost daily basis). It’s hard for me to sit here and say “you need to make a change this year” but if you fall into the category of unhappy people, I really do urge you to consider what changes you can make to better yourself and your happiness. I know it’s terrifying at first but it is so rewarding to be at a point where you know you are in the process of change and you can feel the happiness and excitement radiating out of your pores. 

         So, I think you should just go for it. You have my complete support and if you fail, I will be your hype girl to help you get back on the horse and try again. Really though, as long as you’re not gambling your life’s saving at the casino, you have nothing to lose and a lot to gain.

         Anyways, thank you for reading! Enjoy your New Year's celebrations (bleh) and think about making that change. I’d love to know if anyone is planning to do something big in the next year because I love to hear inspiring stories from other hopefuls like me!!

Don't forget to love yourself first

          Hi friends, welcome to another blog post. If you’re new, welcome! I’m Stefanie, I’m a 23-year-old Canadian and I blog about life and all it entails. 

         Today I’m going to tell you a love story.

         Before you roll your eyes and click out—this is not a love story involving a man and I. In fact, it is a love story involving only one person: me. 

         I fell in love with myself about a year and I half ago and I haven’t looked back. That probably sounds a little funny if you’ve never experienced something like this but the story is worth it. 

         I’ve wanted to share this experience for a really long time. I know it’s been quite a while since it happened and I am completely over it but this is something that people usually keep quiet about and I want to share my story for those who can relate and for those who need to hear it.

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         When I was 21, I got my heart broken by a boy I was in love with. When I was left to pick up the pieces, I quickly realized that I had lost a huge chunk of who I was and in order to put myself back together, I had to meet someone else—my own self.

         I found myself on dating apps trying to fill in the emptiness that he left. I’d talk to a guy and immediately he’d say, “so what are your hobbies?” That one little question left me sitting in shock unable to give a straight answer. I sat there for minutes staring at a blank chat box, thinking, “I honestly don’t know. I don’t know who I am.”

         That was the moment I realized this was going to take a long time of self love and picking myself back up in order to learn who I am and figure myself out. I spent years sharing my life with another person and engrained so much of my identity into the fact that I was a girlfriend before I was anything else in the world. And when I no longer had that title, I didn’t have an identity. I felt like I lost everything about myself. 

         (Before you judge me, please realize I was still exiting my teenage years when this occurred.) 

         Eventually I started going about my life picking out things I do on a daily basis that I enjoy and realized that they are part of who I am and what I love. 

         ‘Oh yeah, I guess you could say makeup is a hobby because I do it almost everyday.

         Hmm maybe reading is my hobby because I look forward to my morning coffee and light reading. 

         Shopping is certainly one of my hobbies, no doubt about it.’

         Slowly but surely I started to meet my own self again, like an old friend I had a falling out with. And I started to realize that I’m a really cool person. 

         I learned that if some boy couldn’t see my worth, that wasn’t at all reflective of who I am as a person. I’m great. I’m amazing. I’m beautiful and sassy and funny. I’m everything I could ever want to be and I will always be perfect whether anyone else in the world sees it or not. (Not you, Mom, I know you'll always think I’m perfect.) 

         It didn’t take me long to fall in love with myself if I’m being honest. Probably about the same time as it takes to fall in love with someone else. And I don’t mean love as in I’m a crazy lady who’s going to legally marry herself.

         I just realized that I’m worthy of love and the best person who can love me on every single day of the year is me. I know that I’ll never break my own heart, that I’ll always have my own back, and I’m the best person I can count on when I’m in need of a friend. I really and whole heartedly love myself. And that was something that took me years (about 21 to be exact) to figure out.   

         If I could give any advice to my younger self or to a young girl who’s just discovering herself, dating, and the world in general, it’s to never ever sacrifice your self worth for anybody else. 

         Before you can fall in love with someone, I think you should be sure that you know who you are and how much you’re worth (which is more than money can buy, of course). 
         Develop a self confidence that makes people turn their heads in your direction. Learn everything about yourself before you share your life and your heart with someone else. You should be able to look yourself in the mirror and recognize the face looking back at you as the most beautiful and captivating person in the room at all times. 

         If you make the same mistake that I did and just throw yourself into a relationship before you’re ready and know who you are as a human, you’re going to lose so much of yourself to someone that may end up taking advantage of your naivety. 

         I didn’t know my self worth. I was so desperate for any boy to validate my existence that I just accepted the first one that came and wanted him forever. So I didn’t know that when that one boy eventually starting taking my naïve heart for granted and couldn’t decide whether he wanted to be with me or not, it was up to me say, “No. I’m not here when you want me and gone when you don’t. Don’t call me when you make up your mind.” I didn’t do that because I didn’t know I was worth a thousand million trillion more dollars than he took me for. But I know it now. 

         I know for the next person that I am worth everything and the right person will see that in me from the start. I’ll know when to walk away and when to fight for love. I’ll know that when I sense him pushing me away and questioning whether he wants to be with me, I’ll leave in a heartbeat because someone who doesn't see my worth 24/7 doesn't deserve me at all.

         I promise to myself (and you have my word now that it’s in writing) that I will never lose myself and my values to anybody in the world. I won’t sacrifice the things I love because it doesn’t fit in with someone else’s lifestyle or because they can’t see the value in the things that I enjoy. 

         The road to falling in love with my own self has been very long but also very busy. I don’t even have the time or patience to fall in love with anyone right now. It’s actually starting to get to the point where people are questioning whether I’m going to spend my life alone or if I’m "not into boys anymore", and omg if I ever bought a cat I think everyone would assume the rest of my life is doomed to cat lady status. But I’m happy, and that’s all that truly matters. 

         One day, I will find the one who’s meant for me but in the meantime I’m okay with that person being the face I see when I look in the mirror. I refuse to sacrifice my self worth for anyone that doesn’t see the sun shine out of my butt.

         If you’re young and you still have the time to spend falling in love with yourself, I recommend doing this above anything and everything. If you think you’re too old to waste a year or two on just yourself, keep in mind that falling in love with anyone else depends on your ability to love your own self before you give some of that love away. I know it may seem like a waste of energy and time to just fall in love with yourself but I can guarantee it will be worth it. I can sit here and tell you how much you’re worth but you’ll never truly know until you figure it out yourself.

         Remember that who you are when you’re alone and at your happiest is probably who you truly are as a person. If you become an alter ego when you’re around your significant other but you’re not truly happy, is it really worth it for a little bit of arm candy?

         I hope anyone who’s reading this who needed a little push to just focus on themselves for a little while got the motivation to. Hopefully that doesn’t mean that you have to dump your boyfriend and move to the Maldives but if that’s that what it takes then, so be it.

         
         Wishing everyone an amazing Christmas and that you remember to express some self love this holiday season. Buy yourself an expensive gift gurl, you deserve it. And don’t forget to fall in love with yourself too. 

Five little pick me ups

            Hello! Happy Tuesday. I hope everyone is doing well and thanks for coming back for another blog post!

            Last weeks posts were pretty simple ones and I want to start off slow with my blog before I delve into personal details about myself and share my secrets with the world. 

            Today I want to tip toe into topics related to mental health. 

            I’m going to share five tips and tricks for how to pick yourself up when you feel down or anxious. These are all things I do on almost a daily basis.

            As much as I hope you don’t feel down or anxious, or even depressed, I hope you can enjoy reading these little tips and take some for yourself for when you need it.

My nightly routine.

1. Exercise 

            The first tip is to work out. This is probably hard when you’re feeling down in the dumps and the last thing you want to do is throw yourself on a treadmill. However, I really do swear by this. 

             I’m sure everyone and their mother knows this by now but exercising releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy (and happy people don’t kill their husbands. They just don’t!) (that’s a movie quote I’m not crazy). But it’s true! I’ve never gotten off of the treadmill feeling mentally worse than I did getting on. 

            I personally work out in my basement, in the privacy of my home so I can sweat and be embarrassed by how pathetic my stamina is in peace. I’m sure this also has to do with how good I feel after exercising so if you can, I would recommend working out in your own home. 

            This tip really works if you’re feeling anxious and have jittery nerves to burn off (and possibly a pint of ice cream). The best thing I can do after a bad day is put on good music and run on the treadmill for an hour. It just feels so good and the endorphins kill my negative thoughts. 

            A key point I make when I work out is to leave my phone in my room and only use my iPod for music. I think escaping from social media, my friends, and the internet for an hour or so is good because I rarely am without my phone and we all know our cell phones are making us more anxious. So if you can, ditch your phone while you work out. It’s so worth it.

            Not to mention this is kind of a killing two birds with one stone scenario. If you feel badly mentally, you should try to make yourself feel good physically to compensate. Sitting on the couch won’t help you feel better physically and all the bad feelings will just pile up until you explode. So try running on the treadmill or going for a spin on a bike! Whatever you enjoy doing.

2. A Cuppa Tea

            This is probably a really self explanatory tip but it’s not something that many people do on a daily basis. I know that drinking tea in warm weather is gross but now that the weather is getting colder, it’s a good time to get into the habit of drinking tea every night.

            I also felt the need to specify that it should be decaf tea. Two reasons: 1. If you’re hypersensitive to caffeine (like me), then drinking caffeine at night will increase your inability to sleep and after all, the best thing you can do when you feel down is to just sleep it off. And 2. Caffeine is a known trigger for anxiety and will make your mind race even more. So you’re better off with decaf tea or even decaf coffee if that’s more your cup of tea (that was a pun on a level I don’t even understand).

            Something I try to get into the habit of doing is having a cup of tea every night at 9 p.m. That sounds so random but it’s for a good reason. Creating a daily habit helps keep you grounded if you suffer from anxiety. Grounding is basically bringing your anxious brain back down to reality when your negative thoughts make you feel like you’re floating away from your body. Having a daily habit is a constant reminder that you’re still alive and okay, and when it’s at night time it’s a milestone to show you that you made it through another day. It also gives you something to look forward to everyday so that you don’t feel so hopeless. 

            I know if you’re not naturally a tea person then getting into the habit of drinking tea can be difficult. There are so many people that associate drinking tea with being sick, but I think if you feel anxious, you should incorporate decaf tea into your life. 

            Also, if you find tea gross (you’re wrong), I would recommend trying out a place like David’s Tea because they have an amazing variety of flavored teas that don’t taste like dirty leaf water. If you need a good flavor recommendation, I am your gal. I love that place. 

3. Read

            This list is starting to become things you probably already do or know you should do. But oh well. With that, I still recommend escaping into a good book. 

            Reading is another activity that only certain people really enjoy doing but it’s something that I will always recommend you try getting into because it’s worth it and is very good for you. 

            I recommend reading because it’s a good way to step away from your phone, and it really helps your brain distract itself from all of its anxious thoughts. I mean if you think about it, when you’re reading words on paper, your brain is too busy making sense of what your eyes are seeing to think about other (negative) things.

            Reading is one of my favourite escapes. Even if it’s just doing a textbook reading for school, I have to read on a daily basis. Might I also recommend reading my blog on a weekly basis as a way to incorporate reading??

            If you don’t enjoy reading, you probably haven’t found the right book yet. Once again, I am your girl to go to if you want a good book to read. My collection expands every month and it’s one of my favourite hobbies. Escaping my thoughts in a good book feels very very good. 

            You could also conjoin this with tip #1 to work out and do two good things for your brain and body. But don’t knock reading until you really try it.

4. Talk to someone

            For this little tip, I’d say you have two options: talk to someone face to face, or over the phone. I think the key here is to be able to hear someone’s voice instead of texting someone back and forth when you can’t read their tone and behaviour.

            When you’re in a state of anxiety, talking to someone helps because you put your focus on maintaining a conversation and responding to what they say rather than going over the same anxious, negative thoughts in your brain. 

            I often find that if I’m at work or out with my friends, I feel okay all day because being around people that make me happy distracts me from my anxiety. The moment I’m away from them and in my room alone, my anxious thoughts come full force and hit me like a brick wall. 

            Obviously it’s impossible to spend your entire life surrounded by other people (and you’d probably go crazy if you’re an introvert like me), but spending as much time as you can handle talking to people you enjoy really helps elevate your mood and distract your mind.

            Talking on the phone is low commitment because if you feel like you really just want to be alone, then you can say you have to go and hang up the phone. In the moment, having someone to talk back and forth with is comforting because they’re giving you their full attention and you can even choose to vent to them about whatever is bothering you.

            Of course physically being with someone feels a lot better because they can read your facial expressions and even be able to offer you a hug. For me, my person who always calms me down is my mom. When I’m really really anxious, I’ll just go sit in the living room with her and watch TV. Every time I do this she looks at me like a stranger who just walked into her house because I normally sit in my room and avoid human interaction at night. But we can sit in complete silence and her presence naturally calms me down. If you have someone in your life who plays this role for you, then I’d recommend you stay around them as often as possible. 

5. Light a candle, wrap yourself in a blanket, and watch a video 

            If all else fails, I support and encourage you to just admit defeat and wrap yourself into a human burrito and hibernate for as long as necessary. It’s sometimes the most effective remedy for a broken heart or an anxious mind or even just a bad day. 

            Step 1: light a candle. Or two. Or three. Four might be pushing it. I am a candle hoarder. I’ll admit it. Candles make me so happy and I think I’ve figured out why I love them so much. For starters, they make any room automatically smell delicious. But I also recently noticed that the way a candle flickers mimics a heart beat. If you stare at a flickering candle when you’re anxious and your heart is pounding, it can help (at least it does for me) regulate your heart beat by kind of mimicking the flicker. If that makes sense…

            Step 2: wrap yourself in a blanket. Any one will do. Fuzzy ones are appreciated. Ones that are twice the size of your body are even better. The goal is to become the rice and beans of a good burrito. Blankets burritos feel like human contact. When you feel anxious, sad, overwhelmed, or just down in the dumps, getting a hug from a giant tortilla wrap makes you automatically feel better. If you get sweaty, crack open a window. But do not leave the human burrito blanket until you feel ready to. If you never do, then so be it. The world can wait until you feel good and ready to go participate in it.

            Step 3: This step has various options. I personally always go for a YouTube video from a vlogger that I enjoy. The familiar face and voice is very comforting and helps me feel better. You can also go with a good Netflix TV show or even a movie. A stand up comedy act is a great way to force yourself to laugh when you can barely manage to crack a smile. The key is to watch anything with audio and visual content to temporarily distract your mind and racing thoughts. Allow yourself to get lost in the video. The best way to shut your negative thoughts is to just run from them. (That’s terrible advice, don’t run from your problems like I do).

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            I hope you enjoyed these little tips and plan to use them right now or the next time you’re feeling under the weather! (Although I hope you don’t feel that often).

            If you have any other tricks that I didn’t mention then feel free to share in the comments! I’d love to hear some different ideas. 

            I also hope that whatever you are going through that is bringing you any feelings of negativity, anxiety, or sadness is only temporary and that you are strong enough to overcome them and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

            Thanks for reading and enjoy your week!