Don't forget to love yourself first

          Hi friends, welcome to another blog post. If you’re new, welcome! I’m Stefanie, I’m a 23-year-old Canadian and I blog about life and all it entails. 

         Today I’m going to tell you a love story.

         Before you roll your eyes and click out—this is not a love story involving a man and I. In fact, it is a love story involving only one person: me. 

         I fell in love with myself about a year and I half ago and I haven’t looked back. That probably sounds a little funny if you’ve never experienced something like this but the story is worth it. 

         I’ve wanted to share this experience for a really long time. I know it’s been quite a while since it happened and I am completely over it but this is something that people usually keep quiet about and I want to share my story for those who can relate and for those who need to hear it.

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         When I was 21, I got my heart broken by a boy I was in love with. When I was left to pick up the pieces, I quickly realized that I had lost a huge chunk of who I was and in order to put myself back together, I had to meet someone else—my own self.

         I found myself on dating apps trying to fill in the emptiness that he left. I’d talk to a guy and immediately he’d say, “so what are your hobbies?” That one little question left me sitting in shock unable to give a straight answer. I sat there for minutes staring at a blank chat box, thinking, “I honestly don’t know. I don’t know who I am.”

         That was the moment I realized this was going to take a long time of self love and picking myself back up in order to learn who I am and figure myself out. I spent years sharing my life with another person and engrained so much of my identity into the fact that I was a girlfriend before I was anything else in the world. And when I no longer had that title, I didn’t have an identity. I felt like I lost everything about myself. 

         (Before you judge me, please realize I was still exiting my teenage years when this occurred.) 

         Eventually I started going about my life picking out things I do on a daily basis that I enjoy and realized that they are part of who I am and what I love. 

         ‘Oh yeah, I guess you could say makeup is a hobby because I do it almost everyday.

         Hmm maybe reading is my hobby because I look forward to my morning coffee and light reading. 

         Shopping is certainly one of my hobbies, no doubt about it.’

         Slowly but surely I started to meet my own self again, like an old friend I had a falling out with. And I started to realize that I’m a really cool person. 

         I learned that if some boy couldn’t see my worth, that wasn’t at all reflective of who I am as a person. I’m great. I’m amazing. I’m beautiful and sassy and funny. I’m everything I could ever want to be and I will always be perfect whether anyone else in the world sees it or not. (Not you, Mom, I know you'll always think I’m perfect.) 

         It didn’t take me long to fall in love with myself if I’m being honest. Probably about the same time as it takes to fall in love with someone else. And I don’t mean love as in I’m a crazy lady who’s going to legally marry herself.

         I just realized that I’m worthy of love and the best person who can love me on every single day of the year is me. I know that I’ll never break my own heart, that I’ll always have my own back, and I’m the best person I can count on when I’m in need of a friend. I really and whole heartedly love myself. And that was something that took me years (about 21 to be exact) to figure out.   

         If I could give any advice to my younger self or to a young girl who’s just discovering herself, dating, and the world in general, it’s to never ever sacrifice your self worth for anybody else. 

         Before you can fall in love with someone, I think you should be sure that you know who you are and how much you’re worth (which is more than money can buy, of course). 
         Develop a self confidence that makes people turn their heads in your direction. Learn everything about yourself before you share your life and your heart with someone else. You should be able to look yourself in the mirror and recognize the face looking back at you as the most beautiful and captivating person in the room at all times. 

         If you make the same mistake that I did and just throw yourself into a relationship before you’re ready and know who you are as a human, you’re going to lose so much of yourself to someone that may end up taking advantage of your naivety. 

         I didn’t know my self worth. I was so desperate for any boy to validate my existence that I just accepted the first one that came and wanted him forever. So I didn’t know that when that one boy eventually starting taking my naïve heart for granted and couldn’t decide whether he wanted to be with me or not, it was up to me say, “No. I’m not here when you want me and gone when you don’t. Don’t call me when you make up your mind.” I didn’t do that because I didn’t know I was worth a thousand million trillion more dollars than he took me for. But I know it now. 

         I know for the next person that I am worth everything and the right person will see that in me from the start. I’ll know when to walk away and when to fight for love. I’ll know that when I sense him pushing me away and questioning whether he wants to be with me, I’ll leave in a heartbeat because someone who doesn't see my worth 24/7 doesn't deserve me at all.

         I promise to myself (and you have my word now that it’s in writing) that I will never lose myself and my values to anybody in the world. I won’t sacrifice the things I love because it doesn’t fit in with someone else’s lifestyle or because they can’t see the value in the things that I enjoy. 

         The road to falling in love with my own self has been very long but also very busy. I don’t even have the time or patience to fall in love with anyone right now. It’s actually starting to get to the point where people are questioning whether I’m going to spend my life alone or if I’m "not into boys anymore", and omg if I ever bought a cat I think everyone would assume the rest of my life is doomed to cat lady status. But I’m happy, and that’s all that truly matters. 

         One day, I will find the one who’s meant for me but in the meantime I’m okay with that person being the face I see when I look in the mirror. I refuse to sacrifice my self worth for anyone that doesn’t see the sun shine out of my butt.

         If you’re young and you still have the time to spend falling in love with yourself, I recommend doing this above anything and everything. If you think you’re too old to waste a year or two on just yourself, keep in mind that falling in love with anyone else depends on your ability to love your own self before you give some of that love away. I know it may seem like a waste of energy and time to just fall in love with yourself but I can guarantee it will be worth it. I can sit here and tell you how much you’re worth but you’ll never truly know until you figure it out yourself.

         Remember that who you are when you’re alone and at your happiest is probably who you truly are as a person. If you become an alter ego when you’re around your significant other but you’re not truly happy, is it really worth it for a little bit of arm candy?

         I hope anyone who’s reading this who needed a little push to just focus on themselves for a little while got the motivation to. Hopefully that doesn’t mean that you have to dump your boyfriend and move to the Maldives but if that’s that what it takes then, so be it.

         
         Wishing everyone an amazing Christmas and that you remember to express some self love this holiday season. Buy yourself an expensive gift gurl, you deserve it. And don’t forget to fall in love with yourself too. 

Christmas Gift Ideas!

🎵🎵It’s the most expensive time of the year🎵🎵

          Hello! I hope you're doing well. Before I start this post, I just want to thank everyone who’s been reading some or all of my blog posts so far! Your likes and comments mean a lot. If you’re reading my blog but haven’t told me about it, please do! You have no idea how much it means to me when someone comes up to me and tells me they enjoy reading my posts. 

            Today I’m going to provide some gift giving ideas because I love gift giving so I thought I’d share some of my ideas with people who are drawing blanks this year. 

            I feel very lucky every Christmas season because I have quite a few people to buy for and I’m very happy that I have so many great people around me to give gifts to. It’s worth every cent to have good people who love and care for me.

            My biggest tip I’ll share is that I make a little note on my phone and I list the names of everyone I have to buy for. Then beside each name, I put a budget which varies from person to person. That's just easier for me to keep track of what I want to spend and stay within a reasonable budget.

            The next thing I do is list everything that I think each individual person would enjoy. If I have a price for each item, I add that beside it.

            For the next few weeks I’ll be adding and subtracting to this list on a daily basis. I basically spend every waking minute thinking about things everyone would like. It’s also this time of the year that I can be caught sitting alone in silence and all of sudden shoot up and scream “MOM WOULD LOVE THAT” before I frantically add my idea to the master list. 

            My list layout is just something that keeps me organized and makes the busy holiday season a little bit easier. I obviously do spontaneously buy things while shopping that I didn’t plan to buy someone, but I always add it to the list later to keep myself on track. 

            Now I’m going to share some bullet point ideas of Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Festivus gifts for your friends and family.

       

For the Makeup Lover

            If you know someone who’s into makeup, consider giving them a gift of essentials. The only key here is to not buy anything made for specific skin tones (aka foundation or concealer). 

·     Mascara

·     Setting spray

·     Highlighter (Becca Champagne pop if you want to splurge!)

·     Eyeshadow palette 

·     A nice lipstick

·     Face spray (not mentioned in my previous posts but this is a good one)

·     Blending sponge

If you want specific ideas, feel free to check out my top faves post here and here.

For the Skin Care Queen

            If you have someone who’s big into taking care of their skin, then consider putting together a gift with key skin care items. Again, you’ll want to be careful of buying items made for specific skin types (like oily or dry skin).

·     Face mask (either sheet or clay mask or both!)

·     Face cream

·     Eye cream

·     Lip balm

·     Treatment for lips/hands/feet/other body part

·     Face spray 

·     Face toner (I swear by this one)

·     Face oil (this one is my life)

This just made me consider writing an entire post on my fave skincare products….

For the Body Conscious Pal 

            This can be combined with the skin care stuff but these are also some great things to make a whole gift with. 

·     Body lotion

·     Body scrub

·     Hand cream

·     Foot cream with fuzzy socks (for a deep treatment experience)

·     Nail polish (can also branch into a manicure/pedicure set)

·     Body wash and a loofah 

·     Body spray

For the Hair Care Gal

            This is a nice idea for someone who dyes their hair often or generally cares for their hair. This is also a nice list of things that everyone uses and would help them if you know they can't splurge for themselves on stuff like this.

·     Shampoo (a "boujee" one or a good purple shampoo for someone blonde)

·     Conditioner (go boujee or go home)

·     Hair mask 

·     Hair oil

·     Leave in conditioner

·     Hairspray

·     Hair treatment (such as a pre-styling spray)

·     Hair brush (one of those cool detangling ones!)

For the Tea Lover

            As I write this, I’m starting to wonder if I’m just writing lists of things I want because so far I am all of the people I’ve listed. Once again, as someone who loves tea, getting more tea and tea ware is a dream come true. 

·     Loose tea or a premade sample kit (David’s Tea will always be the best)

·     A pack of tea bags or an infuser  

·     A cute mug 

·     Matcha (I recommend this one)

·     A matcha kit (I’d say only if you know they like matcha already or you think they will like it)

·     A travel mug 

The only thing missing from this list that is required to make tea is water. Please do not include water in your gift. That would be really weird. 

For the Coffee Lover 

            This kind of goes hand in hand with the tea lover. But if there’s anything I’ve learned in life, it’s that tea lovers and coffee lovers have two completely different personalities…

·     Coffee (a nice flavoured one, something someone wouldn’t buy for themselves) 

·     A nice big mug 

·     Coffee-Mate powder (if you don’t like Coffee-Mate that’s your opinion but you’re wrong)

·     A flavoured syrup (vanilla or hazelnut is probably the safest option for personal preferences) 

·     A fancy stirring spoon (because why not?)

·     A milk frother (if it’s in your budget $$$ or you really like the gift receiver)

·      I want to include instant coffee in this list but it’s disgusting and you might as well give them coal. It would taste about the same. 

Once again, you do not need to supply the water. Or the milk. 

For the Baker

            I’m really making this whole post about myself I think. Oh well. If you know someone who likes baking or is trying to get into it, considering buying them some items from this list.

·     A cupcake pan (with silicone cupcake liners!)

·     A Bundt cake pan, loaf pan, or brownie pan 

·     Piping bags and a set of tips 

·     A baking cookbook 

·     Cookie cutters 

·     Measuring cups 

·     A cute apron 

·     A spatula, whisk, and rolling pin 

For your friend who talks about wine a lot more than necessary

            We all have one.

·     A bottle of good wine (or two)

·     A wine glass set (one with a funny saying that maybe hints at the fact that you’re concerned about how much wine your friend drinks)

·     A really nice wine stopper (as if they’ll even open the bottle and not finish it)

·     Wine glass markers (even though your friend probably doesn’t share their wine)

·     A cheese board 

·     Crackers and snacks (for when the bottle finishes and they have the munchies)

You could consider buying grapes and cheese but it goes without saying to probably not leave those wrapped in the bag for days….

            It will probably be no surprise that I actually made a note on my phone with all of things I thought I should include in this list. There are still some miscellaneous items that weren’t part of the categories I listed but are still nice things to add to gifts for more substance or variety.

·     A candle (or two or three or seven)

·     Chocolates or candy (or both!)

·     A calendar (for the coming year…..duh)

·     Pens and pencils (or both!)

·     A notebook (I can’t tell you how many people buy me notebooks because they know I’m a writer but I don’t have the heart to tell them I haven’t written my thoughts onto paper since 2003)

·     Homemade food (I always include homemade cookies in my gifts because I’m a housewife apparently) 

·     Christmas themed socks

·     A scarf or pair of gloves (or…..both!)

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           Thank you for reading this very festive post! 

            If you have any good gift ideas you’d like to share, feel free to comment them below. 

            I also wanted to add that any of these gifts could be put into a decorative basket with ribbons and cellophane rather than just throwing them into a bag. It’s a nice way to display your items. 

            I hope that this gave you some ideas and alleviated some of the stress of holiday gift giving this year. I know that when life is hectic it’s hard to sit down and think about what to give all of the people around you. But everyone deserves something special to open on Christmas morning.

            Hopefully my ideas sparked some thoughts for you!

            Thanks for reading and happy hohoholidays.