I'm a living paradox

         Hello! I’ve been absent for quite a while and it’s because of how hectic this semester has been. I had an actual slap in the face with how much work I have to do for the next couple of months.

         But anyways that’s a pathetic excuse for not posting weekly like I planned to. I am very small and very tired and I am writing non-stop this semester so my brain (and also my fingers!) are exhausted. 

         I hope everyone else is doing well though!!! Hopefully your first month of the year has been a little less hectic than mine.

         Last week, Canada celebrated Bell Let’s Talk Day and I actually went to a panel talk to cover for an article that I wrote for school which you can *wink wink* read here.

         I also recently went to another more casual talk about mental health that was hosted by an amazing YouTuber, Joey Kidney. I covered that for school too so it will be publicly posted soon!!

         So, as if it’s not obvious enough, I am not only a mental health activist, but I’m pretty educated on it and I’m very aware of the constant state of my own mental health.

         This post is loooong but since it’s so overdue, it’s kind of a jumble of my thoughts as I sat down to write. This was written over three days so if it seems like it’s here, there, and everywhere, that’s why. Hopefully this makes up for my absence, and I won’t be offended if it takes you a few days to get through reading it. 

         Also a side note related to this post, my future posts, and hopefully your own vocabulary here on out. I read a tweet the other day that said something along the lines of: referring to people’s mental illnesses by saying they are ‘struggling’ or ‘suffering’ just means that they are losing their fight. Saying that someone is ‘battling a mental illness’ insinuates that they are fighting and winning. 

         So, from here on out, I’ve made it my own goal and I hope you can take something from this too. Saying that someone is struggling and suffering from a mental health issue doesn’t give them the opportunity to be seen as battling and overcoming a lengthy match. 

         

         Back to scheduled programming.

         I talk about my anxiety, a lot. I’m very open about it, I have zero shame and I am 100% certain that I am battling my anxiety. Very recently, I have been pushing myself out of the comfort zone that my anxiety puts me in and I’ve felt a thousand times better than I have in a long time.

         I am not suffering, at all. As I’ve said before and will say a thousand more times on my blog, I have high functioning anxiety. Which means that my anxiety is very active in my day to day life but I function well and I am very successful despite it. Some days, my anxiety actually pushes me to do things out of precaution or worry which benefits me. Obviously I still have my downfalls, my bad days, and my anxiety attacks. But normally I go about my day to day life completely aware that my anxiety is irrational and over reactive and I try my hardest not to let it have a strong hold of myself.

         So, if I don’t reach out to you often or at all, it’s not because I don’t think you can help, or I don’t want you to know about what I’m going through, or any other reason to exclude you from my life. I have battled my anxiety for over a decade, completely alone. And I intend to continue doing just that. I am a very independent person and I rarely reach out to anyone for help with anything in general because I want to do everything by myself. I know that I can overcome my anxiety everyday with me, myself, and I. I don’t want to invalidate my strength as a human being by constantly running to others to console me. 

         In fact, I actually had an anxiety counsellor for a few months. I stopped talking to her because I didn’t like depending on someone else to help me with something that was completely personal to me. I couldn’t handle being encouraged and pushed by someone else to overcome my fears and anxieties because I need my motivation to come from within. 

         Something she would constantly tell me was that she was so impressed and a little bit surprised by the fact that I am so aware of how my anxiety affects me but I don’t do anything to stop it. She said that most people aren’t aware that they’re losing out on life because of anxiety. But I would constantly say “I know this stupid” or “I know I shouldn’t worry about that” which she said is such a breakthrough because that means I’m completely aware of the way my brain malfunctions, I just haven’t mastered the art of not letting it control my life. 

         So, just further proof that I want and can go through this alone most days because I know I am smart enough and strong enough to.  

         When I need an emotional or physical hug, I will reach out. The times I do are few and far between, but I promise you when I need you, I will come. This past year has been exhausting because of school, but I’ve generally felt in control and I want to get through my fear of growing up and starting my career completely alone. 

         It also goes without saying that anxiety is so irrational that I can’t even get the words to describe it out of my mouth. The things I’ve had anxiety attacks over for the past few months have been so stupid that I just can’t have anyone know that this is what plagues me. So I keep it to myself, go to bed, and hope I’m over it by the morning. Most days I am. Each day brings a new little struggle and I’ve become very good at getting over little hurdles completely alone. I’m proud of myself, I feel strong emotionally and spiritually and when I meet a hurdle that I feel too weak to get over alone, I will reach out to anyone and everyone who can help me. 

         I also want to say that I made my blog to share my journey with anxiety, life, and everything in between as a way to attract people who want to read about someone else who feels the same way or goes through the same things as they do. For some people, hearing me share my own personal experiences might bring you comfort and relief and help you feel less alone in a world that’s full of alienation and exclusion. I personally feel like I was put on this earth to help other people because I am strong enough to battle my own mental health issues and I can teach and guide others who are just like me. 

         All I ask of the people who care about me is to please don’t underestimate how strong I am. I’ve gone through a lot, completely alone, and I am so extremely proud of myself for that. 

         If in the past I’ve said that I’m “struggling” or “suffering”, I now recognize that those words are completely wiped from my vocabulary and I will no longer use them. But if I say I feel “overwhelmed” or “extremely anxious”, I also recognize that these feelings are not key characteristics of who I am, and most importantly are not permanent. 

         I can temporarily feel overcome with anxiety for short or long periods of time, but at the end of it all, the goal is to overcome my anxiety using the tools I’ve learned and my very strong determinance.  I may choose to reach out to others for a little boost, motivation, or just a venting session or I might spend many days alone, in silence, solitude, and protection from the world. It’s really my choice. I’m not going to force myself to ask for help if I don’t want or need it. 

         That’s where I want to say to you: do what you need to do to feel better. If you want to talk to someone about what you’re going through, then do it. If your mental illness makes you want to seclude yourself from the world until you feel better, do that too. You weren’t put on the earth to suffer in a way that hurts and alienates you, you’re here to battle everything that comes your way in however long it takes and with however many people you need on your team. 

         For me, my team is usually me, myself, and I. Some days, it’s me, myself, and my mom. Sometimes it’s me, myself, and only one specific friend who can understand what I’m currently going through. Sometimes, it’s me, myself, and Netflix or me, myself, and a lot of sleep. Everyday is something new and each day I learn and adapt to my changing life. 

         I realized quite a while ago that I might be a walking paradox. I find when I’m writing about myself in general, but mostly about my anxiety, that I contradict myself a lot. You might have noticed this about me (or yourself) too. It makes me very self conscious when I share my anxieties (yes talking about my anxiety gives me anxiety), but I always push myself to just click publish and share my story because I want to help other people who feel similar. 

         I know that sometimes I say I am or have been extremely anxious and other times I say that I am strong, independent woman but that’s what the paradox is all about. It changes everyday and guess what? So do I. I would be nothing if I didn’t learn to be flexible and adapt to my changing life and state of my mind. 

         For example, in my post a few months ago, I said that I have an irrational fear of birthday parties. Which is still true for the most part. But the other night I went to a birthday party. And I wasn’t anxious about it at all. Actually, when I woke up the morning of, I felt almost…excited? I was sitting in bed like what is this feeling I’m feeling? Tis not anxiety, tis almost excitement. It was such a breakthrough for me. Again, I sound like I’m contradicting myself but really this is just part of growth for me. 

         I’m also really paradoxical in my behaviour. Some days I have absolutely nothing to say and others you can’t shut me up. In some situations, I’m the life of the party and others I’m a wallflower with no desire to fit in. It really depends on my state of mind, the people around me, and possibly……the direction of the sun. It’s unpredictable is what I’m trying to say. But that’s how I am and I live on a take it or leave it basis. 

         

         I know from my studies and experiences that mental health issues are not constant. If you know anyone or you yourself have a mental illness, then you will know that every single day brings something different. Especially for people battling depression, there are some days they they function pretty well and go to to work or do their day to day duties and get along fine. But other days they hit a brick wall and can’t leave their bed. The very nature of mental health issues is that they are never in a state of constancy. That’s why they’re so unpredictable and so nerve wracking.

         I never know how I’m going to feel when I wake up. It makes me feel, for lack of a better word, very anxious. I get anxious about whether I will wake up anxious. It sounds so ridiculous but I think if you understand exactly what I’m talking about, then you’ll nod and agree. 

         This is and always has been a journey for me and I think my anxiety is such an important part of who I am. I would not be wary and cautious without it but sometimes I also think I need it to be careful of the things I say and do because I need some form of self control. (Also, I tend to have no filter on the things I say so without being anxious about the response I get, I would be spewing out stupid things all day). (Maybe that’s why I’m a writer……I think I just like to talk…….although people who have seen me sit alone in silence in a crowded room would disagree). (Ugh, I’m such a paradox). 

         

         My advice to you is to just do what makes you happy. Practice self care as often and as much as you need to. Try to become aware of the things you’re feeling and ask yourself why you’re feeling that way and if you’re feeling ambitious, try stopping yourself from feeling negatively. 

         It’s very easy to say “I’m so anxious” or “I’m feeling so xyz” but the challenge is asking yourself “why am I feeling so xyz?” I know I have the type of anxiety that always has a “trigger” and even if I feel like there’s no cause, deep down I know there is something I’m suppressing that’s making me feel this way. 

         My second piece of advice is to slow down. Maybe even stop. I mean it’s hard to stop when you live a very busy life or even a normal life where you need to be constantly on the go. My life right now has been the busiest it’s ever been, but I still take the time every now and then to slow myself down and just let myself relax. 

         During my first semester of post grad school, I accidentally committed myself to six day weeks between work and school. At one point, work got busy so I did fifteen days straight. On the fourteenth day I had a breakdown in my bedroom ten minutes before my shift started. It was over the stupidest thing but I had worked myself to the bone so my brain had a temper tantrum in an effort to try to slow me down. It worked, and after that I decided to cool it down and sacrifice a few extra dollars so that I could have days off and mentally recover from my busy life. 

         You need a day off. Honestly at least once, maybe even twice a week. They’re called “five-day work weeks” for a reason. People who have to constantly surround themselves by other people and make plans on their days off confuse me. Aren’t they exhausted? I hope they’re taking the time to slow themselves down. And I hope you are too.

         

         Thank you for reading and I look very forward to next my post. It’s going to be about something very personal but also that I know millions of people also suffer—NAY, battle, on a daily basis.

         Wishing you a wonderful day, night, month, year, lifetime and I’ll see y’all on the flipside.

Five Books To Read This Year

            Hey y’all! I hope your year is off to a great start. 

            I know I’ve been MIA for over two weeks and I wish I could say “oh I’ve been SO busy and have not had one day off!” but that would be a lie. I’ve actually just not been in the mindset to write lately and that’s about all.

            I do plan to discuss this issue in my post about living with anxiety. A huge issue I face is that I lose motivation really quickly when I’m anxious (which is, you know, always), so lately finding the energy to write this simple blog post has been hard. 

            Anyways, today’s post is about books! I’m sure there is a number of people who made a New Year’s Resolution to start reading more this year so consider me your source for a few good books to get you into the groove (even though I’m two weeks late). 

            I absolutely love reading, it is one of my favourite hobbies. And I really encourage reading a book as not only a way to escape your phone/TV/computer but it’s a really effective way to escape your negative/frazzled/worrisome thoughts. And if you read this post then you’d know how much I recommend reading to anyone with anxiety or just an overwhelming mind/thoughts/worries in general. 

            I am going to list these in order of my least to most favourite, with 1 being worst and 5 being best. Enjoy!

1. I’ll Be Gone in the Dark- Michelle McNamara

            This was actually the book I read during winter break and I just finished it so it’s fresh in my mind. This is also one of the few non-fiction books I’ve read in my life and I really enjoyed it. 

            This non-fiction book was published in February 2018 and was written by Michelle McNamara. It is about the Golden State Killer—a man who commit 13 murders, over 50 rapes, and 100 burglaries over a 12-year span. McNamara was intrigued and was intent on being part of the team that found the suspect and had him locked away. Unfortunately, she died in her sleep before the book could be published and was still in the midst of writing it. But a team of writers put the book together and published it two years after her death and only two months before the Golden State Killer was found!!

            This book was recommended by quite a few writers and journalists in April 2018 when the Golden State Killer was arrested. I decided to venture into a genre I don’t usually read and give it a go. And I’m really glad I did. The book was captivating and you can tell that McNamara was so passionate about doing investigative research on this man. She worked so hard on not only writing the book but finding out as much information as she could get and it shows. The research, interviews, and DNA sampling was really really interesting.

            The only downside is that the book didn’t really have a conclusion, mostly because McNamara never prepared one before her death. There was no ending with “and the killer is this man!” because at the time of publication, they didn’t know who he was! I knew that going into it but it was a little frustrating that it was just “who could do this?” with little answers. Also, if you’re a woman who lives alone, I probably wouldn’t recommend this just because it was about a lot of rape and murder that occurred in the middle of the night and this could scare you. I personally wasn’t scared, but that’s just because I’m more scared of ghosts and centipedes than I am of intruders. 

            If you’re interested in venturing into true crime or non-fiction books, I recommend giving this one a try, especially now that you know who the suspect is!!

2. Divergent- Veronica Roth

            I don’t really remember how this book ended up in my possession but I must say it was one of the better books I read last year. So good that I had to watch the movie right after to see how the book got adapted into a film. 

            This book reminded me a lot of The Hunger Games, in that it’s set in a futuristic world with different factions that people are separated into. It is a fiction book, written by Veronica Roth and is the first book in a trilogy. The novel revolves around the main character, Beatrice “Tris” Prior. She grew up from a family that comes from one specific faction “Abnegation” but doesn’t feel she identifies as it anymore once she reaches adulthood. She ventures off into another faction “Dauntless”, which of course disappoints her parents. Eventually, she realizes she has extra abilities and identifies as “Divergent”, hence the title. 

            I enjoyed this book because it was very fast paced and intriguing and constantly kept my attention. I had no issues with following along and I really enjoy action books, which makes no sense because I do not like action movies. The only negative was the fact that there was a lot of relationship drama involved, which for me doesn’t really attract me. If I wanted to read a love novel, I would, you know? But of course, incorporating love and relationships is what attracts a lot of people and creates drama, so I respect it. The movie was equally as good as the book and if I do ever run out of books to read one day, I will definitely finish the rest of the series!

            

3. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince- J. K. Rowling 

            In my humble and honest opinion, no list of great books is complete without at least one Harry Potter book. I recently got into HP a few years ago after years of thinking it was overhyped and for nerds (I really don’t know why I had that misconception). I read the first book during a plane ride and I was immediately hooked. I bought the entire book set last year and have read six of the seven original books (I’m holding back on the seventh one because I don’t want it to end!). I personally love the series because these are the types of books that completely consume you and transfer you to another universe. Also, when you read thousands of pages of the same characters, they eventually start to feel like family. So I recommend getting into the series if you want something to commit to, which you will because Rowling’s writing is so captivating and amazing.

            The Half-Blood Prince is the sixth book in the series and the most recent one I read, but that is not at all why it’s my favourite one (so far). Without giving too much of the story away, it basically revolves around Harry Potter as he becomes an adult, which is different from the other books when he was younger. He spends a lot of time with Dumbledore because of his special abilities to fight Voldemort (hopefully that isn’t too much of a spoiler). Quite a lot goes on in the 650 (!!) page book, so I can’t really say a lot without spoiling it all. I will, however, say that if you know anything about the shocking plot twist in the series, it happens in this book. 

            I adored this book a lot and even though it took me forever to get through, that didn’t stop me from loving it. The only cons of all of the Harry Potter books is that there are some dry sections that probably aren’t necessary and kind of drag on, and then other times there’s a big scene that goes by too quick for you to process. Otherwise, I just love Harry Potter. You can definitely read Half-Blood Prince without having read any of the other books because Rowling does a short recap about all of the characters at the beginning of each book to catch you up. 

4. The Alibi- Sandra Brown 

            I scored this book as part of a 3 for $10 deal at Indigo in the summer and I bought it because the description said it was about murder and I was intrigued. It took me about ten pages to absolutely fall in love with Sandra Brown as an author and I now own a bunch of her books.

            This fiction novel is about a man and a woman mostly, but also has a mix of other characters involved as well. It’s definitely a suspense thriller and it was the first thriller I read and totally got me hooked on that genre. The main character, Hammond Cross, has a one night stand with a female doctor. Shortly afterwards, she is accused of murder but uses Cross as her alibi, stating that she did not commit the crime because she was with him at the time. So it is a love story but with a lot of suspense, crime, and law involved.

            This was one of the few books I’ve read that is the definition of a page turner. I normally can put down a book and finish reading it whenever I want, but I barreled through this book because I just had to know what happened and the suspense was amazing. Hence why I became an instant fan of Sandra Brown.

            I think the only con of this book was that at times it was a little redundant and dragged on. But I knew that if I got through one small section that was boring, the rest would be amazing. This book is on sale for so cheap, I mean mine was literally $3 so if you ever happen to see it, definitely pick it up. 

5. My Sister’s Keeper- Jodi Picoult

            This book changed my life. I adore absolutely everything about it and I read it nearly ten years ago and it still holds a huge place in my heart! I was introduced to My Sister’s Keeper in high school when I chose it to write a book report on it. It’s a looooong book, 432 pages to be exact, but I wanted to take on the challenge of a big book.The reason I’m an avid reader and writer today is largely because of how amazing this book was.

            My Sister’s Keeper is a fiction novel about a girl named Anna who was born to an older sister named Kate, who has cancer. Anna was created as an organ and blood donor for her older sister. She spends most of the book resentful of her sister because of the fact that she’s spent a huge part of her life in the hospital being a savior. 

            I loved absolutely everything about this book and as far as I can remember, there was nothing specific that I disliked. The biggest part that knocked my socks off was the complete twist that happened around three quarters into the book. It was so severe, I remember gasping, slowly putting down the book, and staring at a wall until I could comprehend what happened. Side note: they did NOT include the twist in the movie which to this day infuriates me. So if you’ve seen the movie and know the plot, or saw the movie and disliked it, it’s still worth reading the book because the story is vastly different. Another huge thing I loved was that it was actually written in various different voices. Usually books are narrated by either one third person voice or by the main character, but in this one each chapter was narrated by a different person with a different personality and perspective and it really made the story interesting. It also made me fall in love with Jodi Picoult’s writing and I’ve read quite a few of her books since and none have let me down (but this one is my favourite). 

            If you are up for a long, but very easy and enjoyable read, I 10000% recommend this one. It will (hopefully) change your life and make you appreciate your good health a lot, as well as just give you something to look forward to reading everyday!! 

My Top Drugstore Makeup Products

             Hiya! Welcome to my third blog post! My name is Stefanie, I’m a 23-year-old from Canada, and I’m a writer and journalism student. 

            This is one of the first (of many!) blog posts where I will discuss makeup and beauty products. I also plan to cover mental health, lifestyle topics, food and fitness, and my own personal experiences and life lessons.

            This post is a continuation from the one I posted a few days ago which you can read here. I wanted to write about my favourite makeup products altogether but I found that it was way too long so I decided to separate them.

            This article is all about my favourite drugstore makeup products. If you found my previous post was too boujee (as the kids like to say) for your lifestyle, then this one should be more relatable for you! I have more experience in drugstore products because I am very frugal (or so my mom tells me) and I always try to get the most bang for my buck. 

            I’ve been wearing makeup for about ten years now, but only got into it as a hobby over the past three or so years. The products I list are organized by when you apply them to your face, so they don’t go in order of preference.

            For reference, I have light-medium skin with a neutral (olive in the summer) undertone and it is very dry all year round. All of the products in this post have worked for my skin and most are repeat purchases that I swear by. 

            Every item is hyperlinked in the name and will bring you to a page where you can purchase it. Most of the links lead to Wal-Mart Canada so I apologize if this is inconvenient for you.

            I hope you enjoy this post and leave a like or comment (or both!) about any products you’d like to discuss, have questions about, or any tips/recommendations you can offer!!

            Happy reading and happy shopping!

a. Primer (liquid)

E.L.F. Illuminating Primer Mist ($8):

            After getting halfway through my first bottle of Primer Water (which I raved about here) and contemplating buying another one, I decided to research alternatives (because $$$). I found this ELF one and honestly…it’s pretty good. It’s not exactly a primer water, but it is a spray on face primer. I like spraying my face instead of having to use my hands to spread a cream. My only problem with the ELF one is that I have to do it before I apply any other product (especially liquid eyeliner) or it just smears everywhere because the spritz is so strong. But once it dries, it makes a pretty good base. This is also really great for dry skin. It may add a little too much moisture to oily skin, so you’d probably benefit from a pore filling primer if that’s your case. If you want to try a spray on primer (and I didn’t convince you to buy Primer Water in my last post) then I recommend starting off with this really cool product. 

b. Primer (cream)

Rimmel London Lasting Finish Primer ($10):

            I approve of this primer. I bought it to go with the matching foundation (which I will rave about in just a bit) and I found that my skin loved this in every season: hot and sticky or cold and dry. It just glided over my face cream and provided a pretty good base for my foundation. I can’t really say if it made my makeup last any longer but I think it did what it intended to do. Again, the only reason I stopped using it is because I discovered spray primer and I’ll do anything to avoid touching my face and aggravating my dry and acne prone skin. I could see this working for any skin type-it just creates a perfect base for foundation. If you’re interested in a drugstore primer (because high end primers are crazy expensive) then definitely try this one.           

c. Eyeshadow Primer

E.L.F. Shadow Lock Eyelid Primer ($2):

            I have to say, this might actually be my all time favourite eyeshadow primer. I am on probably my 7^thor 8^thtube. The only downside is that it dries out and finishes a little quicker than I’d like. But for the price I can’t complain if I have to replace it three or four times a year. The application is amazing, it’s the best when it’s brand new and in the first few weeks of its life. It makes my eyeshadow last and it keeps my oily af eyelids under control. I actually first used this because I noticed that my eyeliner was transferring a lot. So most days I use this without eyeshadow and just as a way to dry out my eyelids and keep my liquid liner in place. It’s great and I will keep repurchasing forever. I trust this primer with my life. I’ve tried a few other drugstore eyelid primers now and none of them compare. You have to try this.

d. Liquid Eyeliner 

NYC Liquid Eyeliner ($4):

            When I say holy grail, I mean holy grail. If you wear liquid eyeliner and you have not tried this GO NOW. Actually don’t go yet. Wait until it goes on sale at Walmart for like $3. I’m frugal, can you tell? Anyways, I love this stuff. I’m on my third or fourth tube and I first tried it two summers ago. So, #1 it lasts forever, six months to be exact, and #2 it is worth repurchasing. The first time I tried it, I hated the tip of the applicator, and then after a while I got used to it and realized it actually makes drawing wings a breeze! I use liquid liner every single time I wear makeup. So the fact that I use this about five times a week and one tube lasts six months is amazing. I always had issues with my previous high end liquid liner smearing when my eyes watered (as I complained about in my post), but this one has rarely given me that issue. If you’re trying to get into liquid liner, this is perfect. And if you’re experienced, this is also perfect. It’s just really great. 

e. Eyebrow Mascara

NYX Tinted Brow Mascara ($9):

            This is very good brow mascara. I haven’t used this in a few years because I’ve tried many other drugstore products, but I think it’s the best one I’ve tried so far. I first bought a tube of the shade Espresso, and after bleaching my hair a few summers ago I realized it was way too dark for my hair. So I moved down to the shade Brunette and it matched pretty well. The applicator is great and doesn’t give you those awkward, patchy clumps in your brows. It didn’t dry out for a long time and overall was a good product. I will eventually repurchase this if I don’t find another drugstore product that I like more. If you want more definition in your brows, you’ll likely have to follow with a powder but this is great on its own for natural brows. It is definitely worth a try. 

f. Eyebrow Powder

Rimmel London Brow This Way Brow Sculpting Kit ($8):

            I bought this a few months ago when I realized my Anastasia powder was getting old. I actually just googled a dupe for ABH because I wasn’t down to pay $30 again. And a good dupe it is. I find it literally identical in colour and texture to ABH. I haven’t touched the wax part because I like the lightness of powder but maybe one day I’ll try it. This is very basic but it does the job and it’s travel friendly so it's worth a try. Has anyone used the wax part in this? 

g. Eyeshadow Palette 

Milani Everyday Eyes Powder Eyeshadow Collection ($11):

            I was recently gifted this palette for my birthday and I immediately fell in love with it. The powders are pigmented but not powdery and the colour pay off is absolutely amazing. I have the palette called Must Have Metallics. The colours are absolutely gorgeous—gold and rose gold go so well with dark brown eyes. I love the colors because they are so shimmery, so if you’re into mattes then this isn’t the palette for you. I find that I can just swipe one shade across my lid and I’m good to go! No blending necessary so it’s a dream for a lazy girl. You do have to be light handed because of how pigmented they are but that’s not a downside at all. And the price is amazing too. 

h. Foundation 

Rimmel London Lasting 25 Hour Finish Foundation ($10):

            This is very very very good stuff. I depend on this foundation to last me on long days and even on nights out. It can withstand anything. One of the main highlights of this is the fact that it’s transfer proof. That is 100% true. I’ve always had transfer issues with other foundations, but I could sneeze into a white t-shirt while wearing this foundation and not a speck would get on the shirt. It’s excellent for dry skin and I couldn’t see anyone with oily skin having issues with it either. The shade range is kind of lame but I think shade 200 Soft Beige is my match. The formula is the thickest I’ve ever used, but I’ve never had issues blending it out with a sponge. I think the thickness is what makes it transfer proof—the thin and runny foundations are the ones that just sit on my skin and come off onto anything. However, it is completely full coverage. So if you’re not into thick, full coverage foundations then you probably won’t like this. But I recommend this to anyone looking for a good drugstore foundation.

i. Concealer

Maybelline New York Fit Me®Concealer ($8):

            I swear by this concealer. I’ve gone through over five tubes already and I will keep repurchasing it because I have not found anything that beats it. This concealer can cover my genetic dark circles from hell like they’re no match. It also covers redness like it’s nothing. I want to be buried with a tube of this concealer in my hand. The consistency is perfectly blendable and creates a smooth and flawless finish. However, I always have to set it with powder because it will crease in my under eye wrinkles. But that’s with any concealer. One tube lasts me over half a year, so it’s well worth the price (but never buy it full price, wait for it to go on sale for about $6). I recommend this concealer to anyone and everyone who needs a good, high coverage concealer. I’d also go so far as to say that it’s a complete dupe for the Nars concealer. Agree or disagree?

j. Setting Powder 

NYC Smooth Skin Face Powder ($5):

            If you read my last post, where I mentioned that there is a drug store dupe for the Laura Mercier setting powder, now is my time to share it. I’m on my second container and it lasts about a year. Which is crazy considering it’s only five dollars!! When it goes on sale, it’s about three dollars. I really did like the Laura Mercier powder but it’s pricey considering the fact that I bake my under eyes and end up wiping off the excess powder. Watching the powder (and my money) dissipate before my eyes made me very sad. So I switched to this drugstore powder and haven’t looked back.This stuff is so good and it has been my key to every single makeup look I’ve done in the past two years. I use this every time I do a full face of makeup and it has NEVER let me down. It’s great for baking, but like any powder it does dry out my under eyes and accentuate my wrinkles, however that’s my own personal problem and not the product’s fault. I wouldn’t recommend using this on your entire face if you have dry skin, but it would probably work great for soaking up moisture and adding a matte finish to oily skin. Everyone who wears setting powder needs to try this and see how it changes your life too.

k. Mascara

Maybelline New York Full Fringe Impact Lash Sensational Mascara ($7):

            I must admit, Maybelline makes some really good mascaras. This is no exception. I was introduced to this product by Zoella, who repeatedly raved about it in her product reviews and makeup tutorials. For some reason, I didn’t think I’d like this because the curved brush head turned me off. I’ve always gone for thick, straight wands (hence why the Too Faced Better Than Sex was my fave mascara in my last post). I finally grabbed this while it was on sale and from the first time I used it I fell in love. I will also mention that drugstore mascaras are the one category where I have A LOT of experience, so the fact that this is #1 says a lot for me. I’m on my third or fourth tube and I will not stop purchasing it. This mascara is excellent for both length and volume (I find you have to wiggle it a lot at the base of your lashes to add maximum volume, but the extra effort is worth it). It did not make my lashes clumpy no matter how hard I’ve tried, and separates each lash better than anything I’ve tried. The formula is perfect and doesn’t dry out for months. I’m on month six with my current tube and it’s just starting to die (just in time because I only give my mascaras half a year of life before I chuck them!). If you have not tried this mascara, you have to now.

l. Bronzer

Annabelle Perfect Bronze ($8):

            I was recently gifted this bronzer in a gift set last Christmas and although I’m not a “bronzed goddess”, I had to try it out and I really like it! I actually replaced this for the Hoola bronzer that I was using (I only stopped because it got old, nothing was wrong with it at all). The container is great, the formula is amazing, and it’s not a powdery mess at all. I only use this on nights out or when I have time to do my makeup (because I suck at putting on bronzer and need an extra hour just to buff it out). I will continue to use this until it finishes or gets old (probably the latter). If you’re looking for a cheap drugstore bronzer, I’d suggest this one.

m. Highlighter 

Pixi Beauty Blush Duo ($18):

            I’m on the fence about whether Pixi is a drugstore brand, especially considering the high-ish price of this product, but I’m going to consider it because you can only purchase it from drugstores in Canada. I was gifted this highlighter/blush combination last year and I really like it! I completely ignore the fact that the red section is supposed to be used as blush and the orange shade is highlighter. To be honest, I just swirl my brush in both colours and apply it as a highlighter! And it looks amazing every time. Very subtle but still noticeable, it gives the “I put highlighter on my cheekbones but I didn’t drown myself in powder” look. It’s very classy and pretty. This blush/highlighter is part of a kit set that I have which you can check out here. I don’t have a lot of experience with drug store highlighter because this is the one product that I’d prefer to use high end (aka Becca which I gushed about here). But this two in one set is worth a try!

n. Setting Spray

NYX Matte Finish Setting Spray ($10):

            This stuff is very popular in the beauty community for a reason. It’s really good. I’m on my second bottle and I absolutely love it. It’s marketed on the NYX website for $10 but I know in my local drugstore it retails at about $8 when it’s on sale. I’m not a huge fan of the dewy foundation look which is why I chose the matte spray, and it works even on my dry skin! I just have to be careful to not overspray on the dry areas of my face. This is marketed towards people with oily skin to help mattify it, but I’d say it works for any skin type if you’re looking for a matte look. This is super cheap and I feel like I can go crazy with spritzes and not feel guilty about wasting money every time I spray it (as I mentioned in my post about the All Nighter spray). This is definitely worth a try and I will continue using this forever. 

            Notable mention: I spent quite a while debating which setting spray to choose as my favourite. I still wanted to mention the Pixi Makeup Fixing Mist. Once again, it is a little pricey to be considered drugstore, but it’s really really good. I finished my bottle a while ago but I still think about it and I will repurchase it one day. The one thing I looooved about this spray is that it actually melts all your makeup so you get a seamless finish. So if this fits in your budget, then it is 100000% worth a try. 

o. Lipstick

Maybelline New York Superstay Matte Ink™ Liquid Lipstick ($10):

            As I mentioned in my last post, I never wear lipstick. But of course, I’ve tried so many just to find something that suits my thin lips, mostly cheap drugstore lipsticks that I could throw away if they didn’t work. The one lipstick that I swear by (and will wear daily once I get the courage and $$$ to get my lips plumped a bit) is Maybelline Superstay. I bought this in the shade Pioneer which is a dark, blue toned red. It’s a gorgeous colour and compliments my olive skin really well. The best part about this lipstick is the fact that it is waterproof AF. I’m convinced this could withstand absolutely anything. The first time I wore it, I put it on and spent about 20 minutes taking various (embarrassing) selfies. After I was done, I went to take it off and….I couldn’t. You know how normally with lipstick, you just take a tissue and with one wipe it’s gone? Not with this guy. The lipstick would not budge. It was stained onto my lips. But that’s not a bad thing! I had to put makeup remover on a cotton pad to take this off, and thankfully that worked like a charm. So this is definitely waterproof, food proof, and kiss proof. It’s very good and the shades are really pretty. Of course, it’s super matte, so if you a) like a shiny lip gloss finish or b) have dry lips, then this may not be for you. But it’s so worth a try if you want a darn good matte lipstick. 

Bonus Round #2

            Once again, if you read my last post, then you saw that I did a bonus round of products. That is because you may have noticed that I did not mention a blush product in this post (disregarding the Pixi highlighter/blush combo). I don’t wear blush because I’m weird. But actually it's because my skin naturally flushes so I really don’t feel I need extra pinkness. Instead of blush, I’d like to recommend two more drugstore products that I really enjoy.

Real Techniques Miracle Complexion Sponge ($13):

            There is a lot of debate over these sponges, and I am personally on the support side. I LOVE these sponges. They are amazing, and I will even go so far as to say that I like them better than the name brand blenders. Do you agree or disagree? I find that they need a long soak in warm water to give the best effect, but that’s just a little tip and not a downside. I use the flat side for blending my under eye concealer and the pointy part for blending the foundation on my face. They’re just perfect. Definitely worth a try if you want a drugstore version and the price difference between these ($13 for two) and name brand ($26 for one) is insane. I actually linked to these sponges on Amazon Canada because they’re about $2 cheaper than what Wal-Mart retails them for. Do you love these sponges too?

One Direction Our Moment Perfume ($37):

            I am manically laughing to myself as I write this. I cannot believe I’m advertising a perfume that is over five years old and was made by a boy band. But oh my gosh it smells so good. I originally bought this when it first came out in 2013 and I was still a hardcore directioner. I loved the smell and was sad when it finished but I didn’t repurchase. (It was about $50 for the small bottle back then). A couple of months ago, I was walking around my local drugstore (Shoppers Drug Mart for the Canadians reading this) and I walked past the discount perfume shelf. For the past few years, I’ve always checked that shelf to see if the One Direction perfume was on there because I know it’s not really on the market anymore. Lo and behold, I found the perfume!! And guess what? It was $19.99 for the 3.4 ounce bottle. Which is absolutely crazy. I provided a link to this on Amazon Canada but even that retails at about $37 when I only paid $20. Anyways, this perfume is very pretty smelling and has a flowery smell but is also really sweet. The scent doesn’t last long on my body but it’s not at all over powering and I just love it. If you ever find it for a sweet deal like I did, then I completely recommend that you pick it up. I had a co-worker ask me a few weeks ago what perfume I was wearing and I started cackling because I had to tell her it was One Direction (she was expecting me to say something fancy like Marc Jacobs). This is good stuff. 

_________________________________________________________________________________ 

            This concludes the end of another very lengthy blog post. If you can’t tell, I am very passionate about all things makeup.

            

            I hope you enjoyed reading this and will follow me for more content. I also hope you’re considering trying some of the items I shared in this or my last post!

            If you’ve tried some of the things that I mentioned, did you like them as much as I did? Anything you disagree about? Any tips you have to offer about specific products? Or just questions about an item in general! 

            I’d love to hear from other members of the beauty community. I could talk about makeup forever.

            Thank you for reading and have a lovely day☺

Welcome! Introduction

           Hey! Hi there! Hello! My name is Stefanie and I am very new to this. I mean new as in new to sharing my life on a public website and not locked up in private documents stored on my computer.

            This is my first time writing a blog post and I don’t intend to make it my last! I’m excited and I’ll get right into the nitty gritty of who I am, what I do, and why I’m here. 

            I’m a 23-year-old adult in denial from Toronto. I stand astoundingly tall at 5’1, have dark brown eyes and chestnut hair that I currently have dyed into an awesome blonde balayage (it cost me an arm and a leg so I feel allowed to brag about it). 

            This past September, I started post grad school for journalism. It’s a one-year program at a college near me and if you’ve never heard of a post grad, it’s basically grad school but a lot lighter in terms of work load and $$$. So far I absolutely love it but there is a ton of work and I’m very tired and very stressed all the time.

            Before studying journalism, I went to university and got a bachelor’s degree in sociology with a minor in psychology. Right after graduating, I took the year off assuming I would find a job right away. (Note: she was wrong. Very wrong.) 

            During my year off, I failed at finding a job in my field and in June I had an epiphany and realized that I want to be a writer and I want to follow my heart and go to school for journalism. I wanted to take journalism when I was in high school but I chickened out. Six years later and I still had the passion burning in my soul so I decided to take a big step and listen to my heart. 

            I’ll probably talk more about that whole experience in another post because my year off and my decision to go back to school is a great story to share and hopefully inspire others. 

            I love writing. A lot. I find, and I assume you will too, that I don’t write the way most people do. I’m very casual and to the point and some of my sentences are two words long. But! If there’s anything I’ve learned in journalism school, it’s that the shorter the sentences, the better! So my one or two word sentences are totally legit. 

            I also find as a reader that seeing giant thirty sentence long paragraphs is very daunting so I will do my best to keep them short. And I could probably stand to lose the big words, like “daunting.” I’m so used to pretending to be intellectual in university that now it’s ingrained in the way I write. A bad habit I must kick. 

            As a journalist in training, I’m learning the ins and outs to become a reporter in TV, radio, and print. But as you could assume, I’m leaning more towards print. I really enjoyed the radio aspect so far, and I would definitely feel comfortable being on the radio but my heart lies in writing.

            I want to write about myself, my experiences in life, growing up, adulthood, and everything in between. I’d like to be a lifestyle columnist writer for a prestigious magazine company. But time will tell where I end up, and I’m not super picky.

            My ultimately dream career is to be a published author and an editor in chief. I’m not even sure if you could be both at the same time, but I’m daring to dream big. You know how some people dream about being singers and going on tour and being worldwide famous? That’s how I’ve always felt about being an author. (But I also pretend I’m a famous singer in the shower ALL the time.)

            I always assumed my dream of being an author was the same as being a pop star—so far out of reach that it’s not even realistic. And then one day I woke up and told myself that I can be anything I want to be and I am determined to make this dream come true. Look out for me on bookshelves in the next five to ten years! 

            My goal with this blog post is to grow a community of people who enjoy what I write and are dedicated to either read my posts often or pop in every now and then to catch up. I’d also like to grow my portfolio for when I start applying for an internship and jobs. 

            I actually wanted to start this blog in July when I finalized my acceptance to the journalism program, but I chickened out. Once school started, I became so swamped with writing assignments every week that I had no energy left in me to start a blog.

            As of right now, it is a Saturday night and I just got home from a family party. I was scrolling around the holy grail that is BuzzFeed and I read a personal article written by a girl who reminded me so much of myself and the way that I write. I don’t know why or how but this just kicked my butt into gear and gave me the push that I so desperately needed to start my own blog. 

            This blog will be great experience and although I’m a little bit scared of sharing so much of myself to the general public, I also know that it will feel so rewarding to be part of a community of writers and readers, people who are just like me! 

            I don’t have a planned schedule for my blog posts yet. I want to say once a week, but with the end of semester nearing and assignments piling up, I can’t promise that will happen. But I will try my best to update this as often as I can and as much as inspiration strikes me.

            Some topics I plan to explore: makeup, mental health, university life, working in retail (ew), life lessons I’ve learned, relationships, books, YouTubers I love, and just life in general!

            I hope you enjoyed this post, got to know me a little bit, and are planning to stick around and see what else I share. I really haven’t even scratched the surface of telling you about myself so I’d like to share more.

            If you’re a stranger and you dig my vibe (I promise to never use that phrase again, I’m sorry), leave a comment and tell me about yourself! I love meeting new people, and I find talking to people online is so easy because you don’t have the awkwardness of face to face interaction in the way. I really would like to make some new friends through this blog, especially people in the writing industry like me.

            Thanks for reading and feel free to introduce yourself!